My main torment at this point is that I haven’t graduated yet. I’m procrastinating as hell with my thesis, which is stupid, because I finished all my exams a year early. And I’ve made such a big deal out of my thesis, that I’m now in a place where just thinking of it has me almost on panick attacks. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve written most of it, but with long pauses during the past two years and too much feeling guilty. Right now, I don’t feel like starting anything new, like taking on a new language or travelling, because of it. I feel like I have to stay put, until I finish it. Maybe it’s some sort of self-punishment. So, I decided that this is it. I try not thinking about the thesis as a whole, just pieces at a time. Pieces I can deal with everyday. And that’s easier. After all, that’s what my profession is all about (after I graduate of course!) ; breaking down projects to small, manageable problems that can be easily solved.
I feel that when I ‘m finished, everything in my life will be easier. I know it won’t, but at least, I won’t have that burdain on me… I wil feel more at ease and I will do stuff that are prevented to me now, due to the weight of the thesis on me.
Some of the things I want to do after finishing my thesis:
- Get my degrees on english and italian, so maybe I can teach one day
- Ride my horse on a regular basis and compete like I used to
- Search for a master’s degree that I ‘m interested in
- Read more books
- Start learning spanish
- Help my parents with the farm and learn new things
- Do something creative, like painting
- Volunteer work, probably on the local animal shelter
That list of things is what motivates me with the thesis. So, maybe it’s good that I ‘ve written it down, so I can come to it when I feel like it’s too much.
Damn, it’s just a stupid thesis, right? 😉